I Found What I Need In You
by RocklifeDude
Summary: I don't know what made me think that you care. And now, it hurts to know that you dont really give a damn about me. Warnings: Slash and some profanity. Songfic to Right Here by Staind


"I Found What I Need in You"

Authors Note: Okay…I just need to get this out so I'm going to change a few things and turn my feelings and memory into a fanfiction. But note: I'm going to try to make most of this true…. hopefully you can tell what's my life, and what's Harry's. And yeah…this is my first attempt at a Harry/Draco story. And I'm going to tell you now, there is no dialogue in the story, but there are quotes from things that were said earlier…

Warnings: Yaoi (a.k.a.: slash, males liking other males, etc etc….), some slight swearing, and some OOCness. And if it sounds like it's written by a 14 year old girl…it's cause it is…I figured that I should warn you about that too….

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately for me, own nothing in the Harry Potter world but the first six books and my sister owns autographed pictures of Daniel and Emma but everything else belongs to JK Rowling…. I don't even own the song, "Right Here"…Staind does…. sighs

January 19th, 2007

I know that this is weird but there is something that I have to tell you. I'm going to go and fight in this war that I've been condemned to fight in since my birth, more than likely even before then; but in case I die, I want to make sure that you know something.

Draco, you know how everyone has that one person that they like, and they're pretty sure that they like them back, but neither of them ever says anything to each other; and they both know that they can't ever be together? So everyday, whenever they see each other they just smile and acknowledge each other? Yeah…you're mine…and for the longest time I've hoped that I was yours too.

I know I've been mistaken But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made 

I think back and look at myself today compared to how I was before I met you…and I guess that a lot of me has changed. Irreversibly I believe…not that I'm complaining. Well…I guess that I am actually…

And since I've never said anything you probably have never known about how I feel. We never really went beyond that one act of friendship that you offered me in first year. I'm pretty sure that we both always felt that tug of attraction to each other but we never pursued it or acknowledged it…so this is where we are. And I don't like it.

I've got some imperfections But how could you collect them all and throw them in my face? 

As long as I've known you you've always been bringing up my shortcomings and taunting me about them. I bet you always thought that you knew me and what my life was like. What I was coming from pre-Hogwarts. But admit it, back then all you knew was my name and the stories and the speculations and such about me. Not the real Harry Potter that no one save for me and the other two members the "Golden Trio" knows about. But that's not important, I'm not writing this to talk about me. This is here to talk about "us"; or rather, what would be us if we would just suck it up, face the hell that would be sure to ensure if we acted upon our actions and be together…to fulfill what I always believed was both of our hearts wishes.

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting 

_You always find the words to say to keep me right her waiting_

_And if you chose to walk away, I'd still be right here waiting_

_Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting_

I can remember when I first realized just how much I do like you, how I could almost love you.

I was walking through the Hogwarts corridors on my way to the common room to pick up my bag so I could go straight to class after I went to the library after lunch.

I was walking the halls with Ron. He was talking to me about a letter that he received from his father regarding the discovery of the iPod in the wizarding world. Truth be told I probably wouldn't even know about those if it weren't for the fact that Dudley obsessed over getting one and didn't stop whining about not having one for three weeks before Vernon and Petunia caved and got him one (I've long since referred to Vernon and Petunia as "Aunt" and "Uncle" when not permitted to). So, as I already know all about the 'unbelievable, fantastic bloody brilliant invention' I found it pretty safe to just only half listen and leave myself to my own thoughts. That's when we arrived to the next corridor and I saw you standing with him. Blaise. At that moment I didn't think anything of it. Why should I have? You were just standing and talking. And as I passed you and Blaise, as usual you looked up and watched me pass, and I watched you too. Like it always had been.

Later, on our way to the Great Hall, Ron and I met up with Hermione. She said to me that she had some news, something that she wasn't sure if she should tell me; but like the idiot that I am I asked her to tell me anyway. I don't know how I knew, but I knew that it would be about you, Draco, and I also knew that whatever it was I wouldn't like it. Going against my stronger since of foreboding (like I usually do), I decided that it couldn't be _that bad_ since Hermione knows about my, infatuation shall we call it, with you, and she would never purposely hurt me…. would she?

I remember how before telling me, Hermione dejectedly sunk to her knees taking a deep breath. Now I knew that it was going to be terrible news, but I still egged her on to just go ahead and tell me. Taking a deep breath she told me that she saw you and Blaise holding hands…like people going out, intertwined fingers holding hands.

I don't quite know what my facial expression looked like, but I distinctly remember Hermione asking me for a hug, which I declined. Even though I told Hermione that I was okay and that I had always expected that this would happen or had happened already I swear that at that moment I felt my world crashing down around me.

As I walked away my mind began to register just what it was that she was telling me, causing me to turn around and take the hug that she'd earlier offered me.

_I hope you're not intending_

_To be so condescending, it's as much as I can take_

That same day, that afternoon in fact, Hermione and I left the Great Hall after dinner one behind the other. From behind me Hermione started to whisper "Harry! Harry!!" like she wanted to tell me something. "What?!" I said whipping around to face her. "Don't turn around" is what she told me…too late. You were standing right behind her…with that-that face that you always seem to have. And I couldn't take seeing you after what happened that morning; not yet. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I ran; as fast as I could. I didn't care who saw me I just ran.

_And you're so independent_

_You just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break_

In all the advancements I've tried to make on our relationship, you've made it all the harder on me. When I would try to talk to you, you would ignore me or just look if I was lucky. You would make me feel as if no matter what I did, I was still not good enough for you; that no matter what I did, you would never care about me like I care for you.

_But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting_

_You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting_

Everyday you would sit parallel from me in Potions class; me at my table with my friends, and you at your table with your friends. No matter where it was I would sit it would always seem that you would sit where you had a clear shot of me. At first this drove me crazy and I couldn't figure out why you would do this, but soon I became so used to it and I began to sit in areas that would make it easy for you to sit down and have that clear shot of me; like a habit. I guess that that's when I first realized that I had truly fallen for you.

Now back to that same day Hermione told me about you and Blaise.

I was sitting in Potions class, in my usual area, without realizing that I was waiting for you to also show up, eager for you to come to class just so that I could see you again. And when I saw you come down the aisle way between the desks I unconsciously smiled at you. But then you did something that you had never done before, you walked right past me and took another seat far away from me; I couldn't even see you. This probably wouldn't be nearly as bad if it weren't for the fact that this was the same day that I found out about you and Blaise.

And it was in that moment that I realized that that must mean that you didn't need me anymore. And that hurt me more than anything that I can remember. More than knowing so many people were hurt just for knowing me, more than losing Sirius, more than anything that I've ever known. And you didn't even know.

_And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting_

_Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting_

_I've made a commitment_

_I'm willing to bleed for you_

I know that you don't know this Draco, but I'm going to go and fight this war for you. Besides my friends, you're the only reason that I have to go and fight this war…and I have to win, I have to win for you.

Dumbledore may only want me to go and fight this because everyone seems to think that I have to do this, I'm the only one who can defeat Dumbledore and that I have to basically do this on my own; no one else can help me. Though, everyone can help me by giving me something to actually go into this war for.

_I needed fulfillment _

_I found what I need in you_

I don't think that it's important that we're different. I don't think that two person's compatibility depends on how similar they are. I know that others seeing the two of us together would be a sight. But I don't care. I still like you and want to be with you. As even though you've hurt me inside and out and you've caused me immense amounts of pain (times you know and times that you probably don't) you still captivate me.

_Why can't you just forgive me?_

_I don't want to relive all of the mistakes I've made along the way_

Sitting back and thinking about it, I can't believe all of the stupid things that I've done around you and to you since I've started to like you. To be honest, I'm embarrassed by the memories and hope that I'm the only one that remembers them, your recollections of them being buried deep within. I remember how I was bored near the end of the summer so I owled you for almost no reason. I'm still kicking myself for that. But what I don't understand is why you owled me back, you didn't have to you know. You must have just been curious as to why I would contact you out of the blue. I did have a reason, that I only half told you. I knew that we would never be, so I asked for the next best thing: the friendship that I denied you back in first year. But you said that you didn't know if it would work out. You said that you didn't know if you could since you're a Slytherin and I'm a Gryffindor, we'd never get to hang out. But what I still don't understand is why didn't you just say no? Why did you have to give me false hope like that?

_But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting_

_I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting_

_But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting_

_You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting _

Even though I know that I shouldn't anymore. Even though I know that I can't anymore I still like you, you still infatuate me, and though I've tried, I can't stop it no matter how I've tried. No matter how goddamn hard I try, I know that I will always like you, and deep down I will no doubt always wait for you…even though you will probably never come.

_And if I chose to walk away, would you be right here waiting?_

_Searching for the things to say, to keep me right here waiting_

When I go and fight in this war will you miss me? Will you still be alive when I return?

I have to go and fight this, please be here when I return.

_**Harry James Potter**_

A/N: Yeah…so that's about it…you don't have to like it, you don't have to hate it, you don't have to think anything of it, you don't even have to review…cause I just needed to get this out you know? So…thanks for reading…and in case you aren't sure, yes. I'm Harry…the only differences between his and my life is that I'm a girl and he's a guy, and I think that the dude that I like is going out with another girl…. instead of in Harry's life, the dude that he likes is going out with another guy….so…yeah…that's about it…

See ya around,

RocklifeDude

But if you do feel the need to review can you tell me how I did on my first Harry Potter fanfiction cause I wasn't quite sure how this turned out….


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